Friday, April 13, 2018

A Comedy writer's look at the sports week that was





Image Courtesy of Bing


I've written for cartoonists and TV standups so I thought I'd put some miscellaneous sports news in the form of a monologue. There's lots of NFL news as well some NBA thoughts and thoughts from MLB as well. I'll start with the NFL.

Where will this Cowboy roam next?

Dez Bryant is being cut by the Dallas Cowboys. It marks the first time in a long time Dez has been able to get any separation. Somebody told me that was cruel. Maybe it was, but it's also true. I could have said the Cowboys dropped Dez like he dropped passes. This could have a lingering effect on Cowboys, quarterback, Dak Prescott. Other receivers might be afraid to come to Dallas because Prescott makes them get old and turns their hands to stone.

Is that you?

Bills guard, Richie Incognito, says he's retiring. I think I saw Richie, but I'm not sure. He's Incognito.

Mock draft, Bears style.

As the NFL draft nears, everywhere you turn there is a mock draft. The Bears have a different approach to mock drafts. Their drafts are mocked after the draft instead of before.

If Jay Wright coaches the Knicks will they soon be mocking Jay?

The New York Knicks have some interest in Villanova head coach, Jay Wright, according to Frank Isola of the New York Daily News. If you're a basketball coach, having the Knicks court you is like having a Kardashian want to date you. There's going to be a lot of drama, it won't turn out well and it will be on TV.

The new reality?

Speaking of the Kardashians and athletes, Khloe Kardashian just had her and Cleveland Cavs center, Tristan Thompson's baby. Thompson apparently picks up rebounds on and off the court. If he could switch on defense like he switches girlfriends, he's be on the NBA All-Defensive team. Stories like this stick in my mind when I read about players having to take game games off because the NBA schedule is too grueling. Really?

Here's a statistical note for Tristan Thompson: When your baby mommas exceed your points per game, you're not having a good season.

Boo to Yu

The Cubs are off to a slow start again this season. Big free agent signing, Yu Darvish, has made three starts. Two of them have been bad. Darvish made his first start at Wrigley Field Friday, and gave up four runs in 4.2 innings on nine hitters. Fortunately for Darvish, there is no language barrier at Wrigley Field. Boo sounds the same in Japanese as it does in English.

Was it a warning?

Actor, Will Ferrell, who has done a lot of sports movies was involved in an auto accident Friday. Fortunately Will was not seriously injured. Ferrell was injured coming home from a 'Funny of Die' event. Will vows to be funnier in the future. 

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